ENTERPRISE

I love being in strange places, and Enterprise, Utah is deffinately one of stranger places i have stayed, in both senses. I have spent the last few days eploring this tiny metropolis in the desert, and by far the greatest thing about this town, or any town for that matter, is a barrel located in the general store/ gas station/ game room. From this barrel you can choose and purchase USED lassos. This town is AWSOME!
Unfortunately outside of the used lasso bucket there isn't much going on here. In the yard of every house there is either a shed full of dirt bikes, a corral with at least one pony in in it, or in the affluent part of town, both. From this I derrive that the major enterprise in Enterprise may be racing across the desert, probably to a town where something is acctualy going on.
The people are very friendly here. As I walked to the library today a pickup truck full of high school kids pulled up along side me. The kids inside were hooting and hollering. They poured out of the truck at me, four or five big farm kids all whooping up a storm. I was just about to break the biggest ones nose when he stuck out his hand and introduced himself.
They had never seen me in town, and since i was walking by myself, the figured i had to be new. So they stopped to... walk me to the library so i wouldn't be lonely. This gave me the creeps for some reason. A good old fasioned red neck brawl i was prepaired for. This degree of civility felt just plain wrong. Say what you will about country folk and mormons, but the citizens of Enterprise are some of the friendliest and least pretentious people i have ever met. I still get the willies thinking about that truck tho.
I would offer to post more about enterprise, but there is little more to say. There is a church, a hardwear store, a food store, and a resturant. The public library is so small they dont even have A book about the myths of the constelations. They were very appologetic about it, and offered me the new harry potter, which i promptly accepted.
I cant wait to get paid so i can get an apartment in a town where it takes more than five minutes to walk from one end of the paved sidewalk to the other. Still, enterprise is a nice place. There is just nothing to do. Unless you like racing ponies. Or dirt bikes.

YELLOW SUBMARINE IN THE DESERT
First week in Utah

I finished up my training, and it was AWSOME! I spent a week sleeping under brilliant stars, cooking ash cakes (which the students here call scooby snacks or just plain scoobies) over a fire made by friction, and learning various skills such as traps and making coradage. At the company i work for now, every group has an animal name, cougars or eagles and so on. Our training group was asked to pick a name that would represent us. After much disscussion, we became the Beatles.
We spent the week talking in silly accents and singing "Yellow Submarine" while we hiked. Life in the desert is rough, dangerous, and incredibly beautiful. I have seen more stars in the last week than ever before. I am now using my off shift to learn the myths of the constelations so i can tell them to the kids at night around the camp fire. Cant wait for my next shift! Woot!
We also learned the uses of many differnet types of plants. For example: Juniper berries are not only edible, they are covered in a fine dust of yeast, which can be used to raise bread.
Sage makes a good spindle for a fire bow. Other interesting but less savory plants also grow here. Ephedra grows wild in our field. It can be boiled for tea. If you boil it down to a very concentrated state, it becomes a type of speed (obviously we do not tell students this). Peyote also grows nearby. And of course, there are ghost beads.
Figureing out what to do on my off shifts is proving more difficult. Enterprise is smaller than Mayville NY (for those of you who know mayville) and less culturaly interesting. I am going to try to bribe someone to give me a ride to cedar city or st george next off shift, and perhaps eventualy get a small appartment there. I do not plan to stay here forever, but am enjoying myself and learning alot.
I have even heard a rumor that there are capoieristas about. I hope to find them, though as is usual they are proving difficult to track down. There is a girl that works here who plays capoiera, which i am immensely excited about. Visions of a moonlight battle in the desert swirrl in my brain.
I lost my camera, so sadly pictures will have to wait for another day. I will write more when i can, but the small library here has only one small computer bank and i am keeping people waiting. Love to you all.

Digger

LEAVIN' ON A JET PLANE..
(THEN ON A BUS THEN A TAXI THEN GOING ON FOOT)
DON'T KNOW WHEN I'LL BE BACK AGAIN

Yay! Today is finaly the day! Late tonight i hop a plane and fly away to somewhere new! New adventures!!! New challenges!!! Wooo!!! My only regret is that i must once again travel far from the people i care about. My friends are scattered everywhere anyhow, and we see each other rarely enough as it is. To those of you who i did not get to say goodbye individualy, farewell. After my first trek i will post pictures! It begins!!!

SNOWFLAKE FESTIVAL!!!

Today i got to go to the Audobon Soicety Snowflake festival!!! The snow was pouring down. It was AWSOME!!!

My brother Tom (who is 7) and i went on a hike. My brother Jeffs boyscout troop cooked a turkey, and doughnuts, and peach cobbler for all. The audobon folks taught us about reptiles and amphibians, and we got to see their bald eagle, Liberty. Tom was very impressed with the eagle.

My dad was running a booth about starting fires without matches at the boyscout diplay. I took over for a little while so he could rest. A woman with two little girls came to the booth. I showed the kids how to use a magneseum rod and a steel to shoot a spark into some lint. The kids both gave it a try. Then they started asking about other things in the display.

"whats that?"

" a battery. You can use it to start a fire if you touch some steel wool or other thin metal to it."

"what about this?"

That is a bag of tinder. Small things that are easy to start on fire"

"and this?"

"That is just a rock. It is there in case we need to keep things from blowing away."

"Yeagm but what can you DO with it?"

"Ummm...

I gues you could throw in the water or something."

"cool! I want to throw it in the water!"

"No, sorry, my dad might need it."

The little girl began to cry. loudly

"WAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


Her mother tried to comfort her. Her sister rolled her eyes and went back to shooting sparks at things.

"ok, you can throw it in the water. Go for it."

She picked up the rock and ran to the edge of a nearby pond. Then she threw the rock in.

"Woohoo! Did ya see what i did mom! I threw it in the water! yah!"

the girls sister rolled her eyes once more.

"can i do it again?"

"well i dont have any more rocks here..."

The girl began to sniffle,

"but i will tell you a secret"

the girl leaned in close

"If you go to the edge of the water, there are usualy lots of stones. And do you know why?"

"why?"

"just for throwing."

I have never seen anyone happier in my life.


I was in line with tom at the face painting booth when i ran into a girl i went to highschool with. She had a kid toms age with her. She said hello and we started talking.

"who is this?" She asked.

"my brother tom. And who is this?"

"my oldest son. The other one is over there."

She looked very happy. Her kids looked healthy. We talked about where our lives had taken us. I told her about school in tennessee and my new job, and she told me that she was working at a store in town while she went to school. She said somewhat whistfully "i will probably stay here the rest of my life".

I thought about having kids and getting a job right out of hight school. I have a great deal of respect for people who can do that, because i know i could never have handled it. In fact, that is pretty much my worst nightmare. Maybe some day, many years from now, i will be ready to settle down, but not now. Maybe not ever.

I have been kinda down about not having a girlfriend for a long time. Probably too long. But i would much rather be alone, then be trapped. Of course it should be very possible to be in a relationship without feeling trapped, but i would rather be too free than not free enough if given the choice. It was good to get some perspective.


The snowflake festival was a blast, and i got to see many other old freinds as well. I highly recomend it if you ever get the chance.

THOGHTS ON LEAVING

(warning: No funny stories in this entry. If you want to read a funny story, skip to the bit about setting your head on fire.)

In a few days i will be hopping on a plane and flying away from the place of my birth. I am happy to be going. This place will always be special to me, but my visit has been longer than i expected and it feels like it is already past time to leave.

Since comeing here i have developed an odd compusion to check my e-mail, not every few days like usual, but every couple hours. I pace tirelessly, accomplish little, and brood about the past. The thing is, i am not all that anxious about this specific trip. Nothing will come up that i can not handle.

My whole life i have felt restless but now it is my whole occupation. My whole life i have been semiconciously waiting for... something, but i have no idea what it might be, or if it will ever happen.

Waiting for the right girl,
or some purpose to bend my back to,
for life to start
waiting for Godot.

"And so we construct and infinate cost to ourselves these magonot lines, against and enemy that never attacks that way. If he ever attacks at all. If he is indeed even the enemy"... or something like that.

Excercise and meditation can help bring me back into the present, but lately it has been more difficult than usual. I am dissatisfied, frustrated. Waiting. What the fuck am i doing?

Madness peeks out from the dark corners of the mind. I do not fear it, but i do not welcome the battle either. It makes its presence known again now, but it never quite gains control. It tries to weaken me by sewing the seeds of inadiquacy and fear.

No one will ever really love you.
You will never belong anywhere.
Your "friends" will always turn their backs when you really need them.

The same old bullshit. I dont really belive it most of the time. I try not to think about it too much. It can be hard not too.

This stuff dosen't have much time to gnaw at me when i am making progress tward my goals. Motivation is a suprisingly good antidote to madness.

I some areas progress has been slower than i would like. Perhaps even nonexistent. The lack i have been feeling most is that there is no girl in my life. I know it isn't really the case, but sometimes i feel like everyone I know has someone except for me. It has been hard to find a good fit.

Patience brother, patience.

You can not rush this sort of thing.

perhaps i will meet someone new in Utah. Perhaps not. It shouldn't bother me this much, should it? I ought to be used to being alone.

I need to cheer up. I need to get outside. I need to go somewhere new. It is time.